Lots of Baby Action this Weekend

Sunday was my best buddy's baby shower and my other good buddies had their two girls and two boys with them and another acquaintance had her brand new baby boy, so there were LOTS of babies around to play with and get in some good practice.  They were both delightful and annoying.  My buddy looked a little overwhelmed by them, but that's probably because she's growing a person and that's a big sap on her energy.  And she really wasn't excited by the projectile vomiting that aimed right at her.  LOL!   She's getting really impatient.  She said, "there's this person I'm carrying around that sleeps, and wakes up, and get the hiccups, and I can't get to her."  I can't wait to experience all of that for myself!  

I've been getting very little sleep staying up late "cramming" to get the quilt and craft projects I'd started months ago done in time for the shower, so I've been very sleepy in the daytimes and prone to give in and have a cup of coffee since I know I'm not pregnant this time around.  But I'll have to curtail those urges by the end of this week and get back into my good habits for the next try.  But speaking of good habits, it's about an hour past my bedtime and I should hit the hay.  I was staying up to make some stuffed animals for my friend's two girls.  She saw the bunny I made for my buddy at the shower and wanted one for each of her girls, and since I didn't make much fanfare over either of their births since they live about 3 hours away, I figured I would  honor such a small request for a good friend.  But now I've got to go pop a prenatal vitamin and conk out so I can not be a zombie tomorrow at work.

Plus, I feel like the toddler children may have shared some of their awesome germs with me at the shower because I've had a scratchy throat all day.  Best remedy for that is to get a good night's sleep, I think!

Nevermind

Awe, heck, nevermind. Definitely got a visit from Aunt Flow, it just
started out gradually instead of how it normally comes. I'm bummed, but
we'll get to try again in a few weeks, so that's something to look forward
to. And I'll get to use my ovulation predictors, which will be interesting.
Guess I'll check in when there's more news to report, which won't be for
awhile.

****

???

So, now I'm really confused. I had light spotting yesterday and figured it
was the start of my period and that when I woke up this morning, it would be
obvious, but today is still just light spotting. I took another pregnancy
test yesterday and it was negative, so I keep thinking that this must be my
period, but it's two days early (even though I haven't been off of birth
control for long enough to really know for sure my cycle length, but 26 days
seems a bit short). And there's no real flow. Just spotting. I have heard
that it can take up to a week after a missed period for a pregnancy test to
return a positive result. Hmmm. I guess if I don't have a normal flow by
tomorrow morning, I'll test properly with one of my "good" tests with a
first morning urine. When I tested last night, it was with one of my cheap
tests (that I don't really know what the sensitivity is on it) and it was
late in the day, so maybe the HCG just hadn't had enough time to build up in
my bladder to a concentration that is sufficient. Still, I figured that
there would at least be a faint line on the test. Perhaps I'm just being
paranoid and my cycles haven't quite regulated after coming off of birth
control and that's all this is. The only thing that really tips me off that
it could really, truly be implantation bleeding is that when I first noticed
it, it was very faint and light pink, signifying "new" blood. Now, a day
later, it's a bit more apparent and has turn brownish. Makes me really
wonder. Wouldn't it be fantastic to have gotten pregnant after our first
month of trying?! I wish I could know right now, but I guess there's
nothing really to do but wait and see if this spotting turns into a real
flow and wait to try testing again.

****

Light spotting

Implantation bleeding or a two-day jump start on my next period?  Hard to tell at this point.  I assumed that implantation bleeding, if it were to occur at all would have been like a week ago.  Also, I'm kinda bloaty and mayhaps a bit crampy, so that all leads me to believe it's my period come on day 26 instead of 28.  Interesting.  Actually, I'm excited that it's come early because that'll be two days I don't have to wait to know for sure!

But if my cycle is going to be somewhat shorter than 28 days, then that means I may have missed my day of ovulation by a bit.  I'm definitely going to use the ovulation predictor kit next month.  That should cut down on some of the guess work going on.

Backsliding

I have drank so much coffee today! I was up till 4am (which isn't really
that extreme since I work an odd shift and my usual bedtime is somewhere
around 1am) finishing a quilt for my bestie's baby shower this Sunday. It's
done except for some sewing on of buttons by hand, and it's good to have
that off of my mind. But of course I'm really sleepy today! I went to grab
a cup of coffee today and the coffee machine is giving out free French
Vanilla, so I haven't been able to resist grabbing another cup every time I
start lagging at my desk. So I've had three cups! I'm very bad.

In other news, I had a great discussion with my poor husband about his
reluctance about the whole baby thing and about not quitting smoking. He's
trying to get over his fears, but hasn't been able to make much headway.

And my boobs are really sore today. This is probably normal and not
pregnancy-related. I guess it's possible that the early test I took gave a
false negative since they're only something like 65% accurate in the time
range that I took it in, but I don't really want to waste another test
making doubly sure. I'll just wait until Saturday and see if my period
materializes. Gosh, wouldn't I be surprised if it doesn't! I drank a glass
or two of wine with my girlfriends at a local winery on Saturday and have
drowned myself in caffeine today! And I really intend on being good and
following all of the pregnancy "rules" from the very beginning.

****

Not this time around

Well, I took an early test because I couldn't stand to wait, and it was of course negative.  I'm not really surprised.  I am also not surprised that my husband is being a big jerk and keeps accusing me of being 'baby crazy'.  I asked him to use the laptop cooling pad tonight to keep his sperm count down and he started acting like a giant ass about it.  He says that IF we have a problem, then we'll address it.  I think he's being really insensitive by not even humoring me.  And it's not like I'm making him change his entire lifestyle or do something crazy and superstitious like pat his head and turn around three times.  I'm just asking him to take a basic precaution to give us the best chances possible of conceiving, and what I'm asking him to do is based on medical fact.  Sigh.

Hmmmm

Normal pre-menstral breast tenderness or something a little more promising?  They don't hurt, but I've been paying really close attention, so maybe I'm just interpreting something that happens every month as a symptom of pregnancy out of sheer wishful thinking.  I'll keep an eye out for darkening of the areolas.  In any event, I won't be able to reliably test for a few days yet, so I should just chill.  And maybe I won't test at all.  Maybe I'll just wait for a missed period.  I'll probably test though.  I'm not 100% sure what my cycle length is going to end up being.

Try, Try, Try

The boss brought in a variety of 2-liters of soda for us and put them on an
empty table right behind my desk. Grr... Every time someone comes in and
pours themselves a cup, I hear the fizzing and smell that great Big Red
smell and I want some soooo bad. Then the neighboring department's boss
came over to tell me that he'd just made a fresh pot of coffee. ARGH! I
want some caffeine so bad, and the whole office seems to be conspiring
against me!

But I've been really good. I have some green tea at my desk and I think it
has about 20mg of caffeine per cup, as opposed to 80mg for a cup of coffee,
so I don't feel too bad about having a cup of that. So far I've only
indulged in one. Now I'll have to see if I can cut down my sugar intake.
I've been stopping in at McDonald's for a morning smoothy, and I'm sure that
doesn't help, but at least it's not a morning coffee :)

Last night I went to the local pub to talk politics with some friends. I
used to frequent that pub on a weekly basis back when I was a smoker, but I
stopped going there when I quit because it was such a strong environmental
trigger. It's now a non-smoking facility, but they still have the same
large selection of beer. I'm happy to report that despite the presence of a
communal pitcher on the table, I didn't drink any alcohol or caffeine. I
had a big salad and some ice water. Good for me. My husband was enjoying
his beers, though, and when someone asked why I wasn't drinking, he
volunteered a little too much information about our baby-making plans than
was really anyone's business which earned him a short but sharp reprimand
from me. While a certain number of close friends and our families are clued
in to our endeavor, we don't need to announce our family planning methods to
a crowded bar! Duh! I blame the fact that he was drinking, but the truth
is, he's often thoughtless in matters like these. I have to remind him to
think before he speaks on a regular basis.

I also had to get on my sister, too, because she posted publicly on my
Facebook page asking how the baby plans were going. I had to log in from
work and delete the post real fast before it showed up in everyone's news
feed. Then I texted her that she should be a little more discreet and
message me if she wants to know.

Sigh.

I guess that's what I get for sharing our plans.

I don't have terribly high hopes for our chances this month. We were busy
all weekend tearing out a wall in our bedroom to expand our closet, so
everything was messy and we were pretty worn out and we didn't get a chance
to engage in intimacy on the day that I had calculated that I would ovulate.
I won't know for about a week yet if we've been successful in our first
month of trying, but like I said, I kinda doubt it. I have some ovulation
predictor testers that I should have used this month, but we were so busy I
didn't get a chance to mess with them. Also, I need to buy some more of
them because I only have two and I definitely need at least five to be able
to use them effectively. I can't wait until next week when I can reasonably
expect a test to be accurate. But until then, I've been giving my breasts a
little squeeze in the mornings to gauge their sensitivity since I've heard
that breast tenderness is a good early indicator of pregnancy.

****

No coffee

I rewarded myself with a can of Big Red today at lunch for not having any
caffeine all week. Yay for me! Wish I could lose some weight, though. And
I definitely need to be exercising more.

According to my calculations, I will ovulate tomorrow. We're not doing
anything too special to try to conceive. And I'm going to try really hard
to not be all crazy and take a pregnancy test every morning. I'm going to
just pray about it and kind of try to ignore the possibilities and stay
busy. Then we'll see how it shakes out.

****

No coffee

Must. Not. Drink. Coffeeeeeee!

I'm dragging this morning and I really want to go make a nice cup of coffee,
but I'm trying to resist. I was terrible this weekend. We spent the long
weekend in the Smokies with the in-laws and they are some coffee drinking
fools and I was waking up earlier than I normally do, so I guzzled a few
cups a day, which is a lot for me. In any event, I'm determined not to give
in today.

****

I miss birth control

I miss birth control.  I miss the predictability and the lessening in menstrual flow and I keep forgetting to take my prenatal vitamin at night because I don't have to remind myself to take my pill.  It has been a miserable week.  First of all, I wasn't sure when or if my period was going to start, and that just drives me to distraction.  And once it started it was heavy and looooong.  But I got by just fine without the pill for 27 years, so I'm sure I'll live without it for a few months.   I do not, however, miss condoms.

I had a giant coffee today and meant to break open a bottle of wine but wasn't in the mood.  I was being too productive around the house to sit and sip wine.  Today is looking to be the last day of my period, and I've decided to bid farewell to caffeine and alcohol altogether while we're trying to conceive.  Of course, I may have the occasional one cup of coffee, but definitely no alcohol.  And of course, I'm going to try to eat well and take the dog on a walk every day to get a bit of exercise.

Also, I found some of the super early pregnancy tests on sale and just had to buy them.  They're advertised to work up to 6 days before a missed period.  I thought two or three days would be the limit.  I'm really going to try not to be neurotic about testing, though.   My plan is to just assume that I'm pregnant until my body lets me know otherwise by menstruating.

My husband keeps suggesting that maybe I'm too excited about being pregnant and not thinking that we'll have a child for the next 18+ years to care for, kinda like that syndrome of planning for a wedding and not a marriage, but he's definitely wrong.  We were talking just the other day about the possibility of home schooling and our options for college savings.  I'm definitely thinking things through, even into the very long term.

Oh yes, and I'm furious with my husband for his smoking habit.  When we got married, we agreed to stop smoking.  I was a light smoker, going through perhaps two packs in a week at most, but when I went on birth control, I quit, partly because I knew I wanted to eventually start a family and I'd have to quit for pregnancy anyway, and party because of the known risks of mixing the pill with a smoking habit.  My husband quit, too, for a few months and then started back up again.  He's promised to quit again.  I've specifically requested that he quit BEFORE I get pregnant.  He was such an enormous asshole when he was trying to quit the last time that I don't think we'd get along very well if he were having bad cravings and I was all hormonal.  The last time around, I was stressed out with wedding planning and a new job, and he was being a big jerk about every little thing and it got really tense for awhile.  I just don't want that kind of atmosphere while I'm trying to grow a person.  I keep asking him when he's going to quit, and he keeps saying "I don't know".  Well, he's about out of time, so I'm really hoping he gets his mind made up soon.  And I can only imagine what harm smoking causes to sperm.  I think I may have to research that a bit.