Happy New Year

Feeling icky in my stomach in the late evenings.  Nothing real bad, just a mild malaise.  Tonight was New Year's Eve.  I was invited out on the town to get my drunk on, but begged off.  Instead, we went to visit the in-law's, talked about making baby blankets on the knitting machine, and mooched dinner.  Going out with my crazy friends (who are out-of-state teachers who have a ton of vacation time around the holidays and come home to stay with their parents for a week or so and thus have no normal day-to-day responsibilities like jobs and laundry and such and therefore take the opportunity to relive our early 20's doing the bar scene) would know immediately if I didn't have a drink in my hand to toast the New Year.  My husband went to bed early.  I stayed up and watched a new favorite show and listened to the neighbors shoot their guns up into the air and the barges out on the river blow their fog horns, which is one of the cool perks of living close to the river.  Not so cool when it's a summer evening and the speed boat traffic is a constant mosquito buzz in the background, but I like hearing the fog horns nonetheless.

I have a Girls' Night planned for next Friday night.  The only two of my pals that will be there know that we've been trying for a few months and will probably ask immediately.  I haven't decided if I'm going to tell them or not, but one is a new mom and will know immediately if I shy away from partaking in the customary bottle of wine and nibble soda crackers all night.  I'll probably tell them.  I've been dying to tell someone besides family, anyway.  And they know the risks inherent in the first trimester, so I'm sure they'll be super supportive.  And if I do (God forbid!) have a miscarriage, these girls would be the first people I'd turn to, so it'd be nice to be able to share my excitement and worries with them.

Checking in

Guess what's back? That's right, breast tenderness. Cramping is less
today, which is nice. No nausea yet, thankfully.

****

Shopping

I got a food dehydrator for Christmas and have been diligently stockpiling dried fruit to snack on at work. I've stocked my desk with crackers and peppermint candies to ward off nausea if it shows up and am searching the stores for cranberry ginger ale, which has disappeared from the aisles too soon! Cherry Antioxidant Sprite is a poor substitute. And I mean, really, they're marketing sodas with vitamins in them now? That's idiotic.

I bought some decaf singles in case I want to try to get a placebo buzz while my husband sucks down his coffee. I may have a cup of hot tea on occassion if I'm really dragging. It has less caffeine than a cup of coffee (depending on the variety) and has other beneficial ingredients, so I don't feel too bad about indulging in it. I guess the trick is really going to be getting to bed earlier.  I don't drink sodas, so that's not a problem.  But sweat tea and coffee are off limits for the next few months.

Still cramping. Worse than usual menstrual cramps. But there's no more sharp pain in my left side. Must have been an implantation pain. Otherwise no other symptoms. No more breast tenderness. A bit of fatigue and I have been making more trips to the bathroom, but I'm also being more conscientious about keeping well hydrated and I've felt more thirsty than usual. No nausea to speak of yet. So exciting!

I have a photographer friend and want to do monthly pics of my belly growing. I'm four weeks today! I guess I should take a one month shot. I want to go on a search for a nice black stretch knit trumpet skirt and a black strapless bra of some sort. I have an awesome grey maxi skirt from Old Navy that would be perfect, really, and perhaps I could make the top. I want something like this:

Four weeks!

My midwife sent me a congratulations e-mail today and said that if I had any
concerns and wanted to come in before February 15th that I shouldn't
hesitate to do so. I'm trying to ignore my silly fears and just go with the
flow. The chances that anything would go wrong are very small, I keep
telling myself. I'm still monitoring the sharp pain on my left side. It's
much less pronounced now than it was on Monday and feels more like a gas
pain than stabbing pain now. I'm thinking it was just an implantation
ouchie or perhaps a small cyst. In any case, the receptionist at my
midwife's office said that unless I noticed any spotting or the pain became
very bad, that I shouldn't be too worried.

Thinking back, I think the very first symptom that I had, even before the
sore boobs showed up, is that my face broke out really badly which is highly
unusual for me.

Both my mother and mother-in-law called last night to check on me. I was
like, chill grandmas. My husband and I are both the youngest sibling in our
families and both his older brother and my older sister have kids in their
teens, so the whole being a grandparent thing isn't a novel idea to anyone.

I don't even really feel pregnant yet with the exception of the case of the
cramps I've had. I think I will definitely stockpile some cranberry ginger
ale, though, since you can only purchase it around the holidays and I might
be in desperate want of it if I get bad morning sickness in a few weeks.

I had to admonish my mom for spilling the beans to someone she ran into at
the grocery store. It was someone I went to high school with that was a
close friend until she left the area after college. She was home visiting
family for the holidays, so it's doubtful she's going to be in contact with
anyone else that shouldn't be told yet. Of course, the sheer number of
cocktail parties scheduled around this time of year may give me away to my
friends.

****

First appointment scheduled

As today was the first day of my missed period, I called the midwife and they've scheduled me in for February 15th.  That seems like a LONG time to wait and wonder, but the receptionist said that since I'm sure I'm pregnant there isn't any reason to see me before there's the possibility of hearing the heartbeat.

In the meantime, I've been having a lot of abdominal twinges and the sharp pain on the left side has gone away.  And I know cramping is normal at this stage, but I had such an awful cramp earlier that I could barely breath.  Still no breast tenderness.  And so far no nausea.  I stocked up my desk with crackers and apple sauce and ginger ale.  I am drying some apples and strawberries in the dehydrator...and let me tell you that the strawberry smell is permeating the entire house, though my husband fails to notice ;)

I should probably pick up some peppermints, too.

Spreading the news

We went ahead and told the family on Christmas Day since we were all gathered and in a festive mood already.  We drove up to visit my dad today and told him.  Everyone is really excited, but since I'm only about 4 weeks, I am really, really hoping nothing goes wrong.  I don't want to disappoint everyone.

My breast tenderness is nearly completely gone.  They're a little mushier than usual, but don't really hurt.  The only concern I have is a persistent pain on the left side of my abdomen.  It's sometimes a dull ache (like cramps) and sometimes a series of sharp pains, though they're not real intense.  I've had pains there before and am thinking it's probably an undiagnosed cyst.  Of course I'm worried about an ectopic pregnancy, though I doubt it would be causing pain this early.  I'll keep an eye out for spotting and will call my midwife tomorrow to set up an appointment.  I e-mailed her today, but since the abdominal pain I'm having is on one side only and pretty sharp and has persisted for two days, I'm going to follow up with a call tomorrow and see if they'll see me asap just in case the pain isn't a cyst.  I do not want to risk losing a fallopian tube.

I also have abdominal twinges on both sides that I suspect are normal and caused by uterus enlargement.

My friends are having a big, drunken house party tonight and I declined to go because not drinking at the annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party would be tantamount to screaming "I'm pregnant" from the rooftop and I'm not ready to tell non-family members yet.  I want to wait until after we hear the heartbeat before spreading the news too much.

milestones to look forward to

Some milestones I've collected based on my best math as to when I actually ovulated:

Date of Fertilization: 12/14/11
Fetal organ formation begins: 1/4/2012
Fetal heart beat should be seen: 1/17/12
Period of greatest risk for birth defects: 1/4/2012 - 2/8/2012
Major organs are fully formed: 2/8/2012
Ultrasound Screen: 2/16/12 - 3/07/12
Trimester 1 ends: 2/23/2012
Triple Screen: 3/13/12 - 4/04/12
Amniocentesis: 3/27/12 - 4/04/12
Fetus starts moving: 4/03/12 - 4/18/12
Anatomy Scan: 4/10/12 - 4/17/12
Fetus becomes viable: 5/15/12
Glucose Screen: 5/15/12 - 6/13/12
Trimester 2 ends (27 weeks): 6/7/2012
Term delivery: 8/14/12 - 9/19/12
Approximate due date: 9/05/2012

Definitely positive!!!

I peed on another stick today and it had a slightly darker positive line!!!

Guess it's time to call my midwife.

My husband and I haven't decided if we're going to tell the family tomorrow at Christmas dinner or not.

My breasts are felling less sore and more full and swollen.  Also having some abdominal twinges.

Special stocking stuffer

Okay, so my husband said that at midnight we could open our stockings.  I slipped the pregnancy test I took earlier this evening into his along with this other goodies.  When he pulled it out of the stocking, he was like "not pregnant?"  I said, well, the manufacturer says that any second pink line is a positive...but I'll pee on another stick for you tomorrow.  He said he didn't know how to feel about it, but he went to bed and tossed and turned for awhile.  He's worried, but then so am I which I suppose is perfectly natural.

Pink Line???

Sooo....I had two cocktails at my birthday party and didn't drink at my husband's party the night after.  (That's right, our birthdays are one after the other.)  And I've had a few cups of coffee this week.  All of this is important because I've been feeling a little off this week. My breasts are still sore and I had some very slight almost cramp-like twinges in my abdomen today.  And for two night my stomach has been upset in the late evenings.

So, taking all of this into consideration, I tested tonight.  I have the very faintest of pink positive lines!!!  I don't think I'll tell my husband yet.  I think I'll test again in the morning and if I get another positive, THEN I'll tell him.  Sheesh!  I'm glad I didn't pre-pay for my SCUBA lessons.

Also, it's a VERY faint pink line, so it's possible that it's not a true positive.  You be the judge:

Testing...one...two

Tested this morning with negative results.  I've done so many with no extra little pink line, I wonder what I'd do if the second pink line started to fill in.  I'd probably think it was a false positive.

I don't think today's test was absolutely definitive, so I'll test again in a few days (would be nice to be able to tell the family when everyone is gathered for holiday festivities) or perhaps wait to see if I miss my period.

I read an account online of a woman who had unusually tender breasts and thought she was pregnant, but it turned out that she wasn't.  I'm hoping I'm not this time since our vacation is so close and we'd have to worry about scheduling with the midwife in the few short days after the holidays that we have before we leave for Hawaii.

Birthday present?

Well, my breasts have been sore all week. I'm hoping that's a good sign, and
I picked up some more early tests last night. My 30th birthday is tomorrow
and I intend to take a test tomorrow morning because I wanted to have some
cocktails tomorrow night. I probably shouldn't have any cocktails at all
because it'll likely be too early to take a test reliably. How cool would
it be if I tested positive on my birthday?!

But then again, it would put a large kink in our pending vacation plans.
And we wouldn't have the opportunity to try to conceive in Hawaii, which
would also be cool.

In any event, I'll check back in a few days and report.

****

Symptoms Unknown

This is, like, day 3 of moderate breast tenderness. It's more severe than
the usual PMS tenderness, but still only noticeable when I prod them. It's
not a general tenderness, either, but seems to be localized around the
nipples. Hmmm.

Also, I had some fatigue yesternight that was unusual.

It's only four days (or possibly six) since I ovulated, so I'm skeptical
that any of these things could be connected to early pregnancy. Surely if
an egg was fertilized, it wouldn't be implanted yet. I'm sure that happens
somewhere around day 10 and only then does your body produce enough HCG to
be detectable or affect physiology.

In any event, I'm on the documentation bandwagon. I estimated my ovulation
to be four days ago based on the length of my most recent cycles. However,
I had a significant change in cervical mucous seven days ago, so I may have
ovulated the day after that, which is why I'm not sure if I really ovulated
six or four days ago. In any event, we didn't have sex very often last week
due to my husband's sinus infection, so it'd be slightly miraculous if we
got lucky.

Also, my husband is going to be so sad if I can't go SCUBA diving in Hawaii!

****

I must be nuts!

I'm not feeling too optimistic about our chances this month. My husband has
been suffering with a bad sinus infection, so we were only intimate twice
during my fertile period. We should have used a barrier method of birth
control anyway, since I'm scheduled to be SCUBA certified in a few weeks,
and diving while pregnant isn't recommended because there isn't any data on
how the activity affects a fetus.

I went in for my yearly checkup today and my GP is totally cool. He's grown
a hipster beard and said it was good to see me because I wasn't sick. He's
a keeper!

My mom is a bit of a hippy. For a housewarming gift, she bought me a
Polynesian fertility god carved out of some beautiful dark palm wood. I
actually do keep it in the bedroom, but it's more of a dresser decoration
than anything. When I was younger, cleaning beneath my bed, I found a
crystal. I asked her if she'd lost one and she told me to put it back
because sleeping near a quartz helped align your energies or some such
nonsense. I guess I've inherited a bit of her mysticism because I actually
googled what gemstones to wear to increase fertility and subsequently bought
a set of stacking rings with carnelian, rose quartz and moonstone settings.

We're gearing up for our Hawaii vacation. A few months ago, I was sure we'd
be pregnant by now. But part of me is glad that we're not because it's
going to be a looooooong plane ride and who wants to be all barfy in their
first trimester and have to be stuck on a plane for 10 hours.

****

Strike three

Well, it's official.  We haven't been successful this month, but the big news is that while driving home last night, my husband actually said "my timing may be off on this, but shouldn't you already be on your period."  I was shocked that he noticed.  Then when I started today, he said "oh, sorry, honey" which was sweet.  I think he's getting a little excited about the prospect of having a baby.

I'm apparently normalizing onto a 31 day cycle, so that'll be good to know to help me predict my ovulation next month.

2 days late, still hopeful

2-days late.  We went out the night before last with friend who were in town for Thanksgiving and I ordered a beer without thinking.  I tested again today and the result was negative.  It wasn't a very sensitive test, but I wouldn't be surprised if Aunt Flow stopped by tomorrow.  I've been gassy, which is a common symptom of PMS that I have.  My breasts are tender, but not abnormally so, and that's also a common PMS symptom that I have.  Sigh.  I still really hope that I don't start my period and that I can FINALLY get a positive test, and it's still possible.  I'm pretty doubtful, though.

Hopes and dreams

This is the hopeful time of month.  I tested this morning because I had an appointment to give blood and wanted to make sure I could do so safely.  The results were negative, but there's still that thought kicking around in the back of my mind that maybe it's too early to test and if I test again in a few days it'll be positive.  We'll see.  I'm due to start my period tomorrow, so hopefully I'll know one way or another by then.  Of course, I'm thinking my cycle could be running a bit long, so I could be in for a few days of wondering.  I keep having dreams that I had a baby but hadn't been allowed to see it in days and I'm wondering around a big hospital trying to fill out the right paperwork so they'll give me my baby.  Very strange.

New Life

My poor friend had an awful time of it, but she welcomed a whopping nine-pounder into the world shortly before midnight.  I can't wait to go visit them in the morning.  I'm totally jealous!

Almost baby time....but not for me

My good friend who wanted so badly to have a natural birth is headed down
the slippery slope of interventions. She's had some cervical ripening
drugs, they've started her on pitocin and they've just broken her water.
Her body was obviously not ready to have the baby and the baby was not in
any significant distress. She has slightly elevated blood pressure and is
past her due date.

I was really hoping to conceive within three months of starting to try.
This is our third try, but I kind of hope we don't hit the jackpot this
time. I went to Vegas to celebrate a friend's birthday and there was one
night of fairly heavy drinking. Also, I got a tattoo. Also I really want
to go Scuba diving in January. This is why I wanted to start trying in
April. Sigh. Anyway, I won't know if we've been successful this try for a
few more days. So far no symptoms at all. But of course, it's still a bit
early for implantation.

****

Poop.

Well, it's official now. The tests were right. Aunt Flow stopped by for a
visit this afternoon. I was starting to get so excited, but that's okay.
We'll just try again next month.

****

Four Days Late, Still Testing Negative

Well, now we're four days late. I tested first thing this morning with
negative results. I'm not very confident in those tests, though, since the
negative control line was barely visible. I'll have to pick up a few more
tests because I'm out. I wish I could get a positive or else start
menstrating because this weird limbo is awful.

****

Three Days Late, Still Testing Negative

Well, now I'm three days late on my period.  I haven't had any cramping or any other indications that Aunt Flow is due for a visit.  I'm starting to get hopeful.  But I tested again today with negative results, so it's still inconclusive.  I may try to test again in the morning and see if I can get a positive result.  Sheesh!  I'm going to have to buy some more tests!

Hmmm

No visit from Aunt Flow again today.   Makes me wonder, so I tested again.   Negative.   Hmmm.   I haven't been testing with first morning urine, though, so maybe I just drink too much water?   Two days late.   Perhaps I'll wait a bit to test again.   In other news there was an f-ing chemical leak like a half mile from my house.  Hydrogen Sulfide.  The stuff that smells like rotten eggs.  The whole neighborhood stinks and it's even in the house now.  Burning eyes and some skin itchiness, but they're not evacuating.  A friend of mine joked that I might develop super powers after this!  Let's hope not.  

Maybe not

Took an early test and it was negative.   Guess I sjould be on the lookout for Aunt Flow.

Maybe?

I'm trying not to get too excited since I may be a bit crampy today, but I
was supposed to start my period today and haven't yet. I may pick up a few
more early tests and use one in the morning. I have to say, I would be
really surprised if I were pregnant. I just haven't noticed any odd
symptoms at all. I usually have some breast tenderness towards the end of
my cycle and I haven't noticed any at all this month. Well, here's hoping!

****

Probably not this time

Well, it's not looking promising this month.  I haven't taken a test yet, but I'm due to have my period in a few days, so why waste a good test when I have no reason to suspect pregnancy.  I guess some women "just know" when they've conceived, but I'm not so sure.  I was feeling awfully optimistic earlier in my cycle, though.  Perhaps I'll test in the morning.

Ovulation Predictors - meh

So I've been using those pee on a stick ovulation predictors to find my LH surge, and then you're supposed to ovulate something like 24 hours later, but I haven't found them to be too much more useful than the signs that my body sends to me naturally in the form of increased cervical mucous.  I didn't really have a clear dark red line on my tester, it was just a light pink.  I expected that the next day I would have a darker line, but it was nonexistent the next day.  And on the last one that I tested with, the control line barely appeared.  But anyway, the day that I had the light pink line was when I had noticed an abundance of cervical mucous anyway, so I figured my ovulation would be the next day or so.  We "tried" three times this week, once on the day that I found that faint pink line on my tester, so I think our chances are pretty good.  I would have liked to have "tried" four times this week, but as always our work schedules and social obligations are sometimes exhausting and I can rarely convince my husband to "try" any more often than every other day, and often it's less frequent than that depending on our energy level.   I'll check back in a few weeks or sooner if any pregnancy symptoms appear.  I haven't been real uptight about it this month and have a more "go with the flow" attitude, but that's not to say that I won't freak out and start testing every day next week.

In related news, my husband's boss was starting the adoption process because he and his wife have been trying for 12 years to get pregnant without success.  They went to their first prenatal visit this week.  I'm so happy for them but also sad for the baby they would have given a home to.  Maybe they'll choose to adopt to increase their family if they want to have more than one child.

Lots of Baby Action this Weekend

Sunday was my best buddy's baby shower and my other good buddies had their two girls and two boys with them and another acquaintance had her brand new baby boy, so there were LOTS of babies around to play with and get in some good practice.  They were both delightful and annoying.  My buddy looked a little overwhelmed by them, but that's probably because she's growing a person and that's a big sap on her energy.  And she really wasn't excited by the projectile vomiting that aimed right at her.  LOL!   She's getting really impatient.  She said, "there's this person I'm carrying around that sleeps, and wakes up, and get the hiccups, and I can't get to her."  I can't wait to experience all of that for myself!  

I've been getting very little sleep staying up late "cramming" to get the quilt and craft projects I'd started months ago done in time for the shower, so I've been very sleepy in the daytimes and prone to give in and have a cup of coffee since I know I'm not pregnant this time around.  But I'll have to curtail those urges by the end of this week and get back into my good habits for the next try.  But speaking of good habits, it's about an hour past my bedtime and I should hit the hay.  I was staying up to make some stuffed animals for my friend's two girls.  She saw the bunny I made for my buddy at the shower and wanted one for each of her girls, and since I didn't make much fanfare over either of their births since they live about 3 hours away, I figured I would  honor such a small request for a good friend.  But now I've got to go pop a prenatal vitamin and conk out so I can not be a zombie tomorrow at work.

Plus, I feel like the toddler children may have shared some of their awesome germs with me at the shower because I've had a scratchy throat all day.  Best remedy for that is to get a good night's sleep, I think!

Nevermind

Awe, heck, nevermind. Definitely got a visit from Aunt Flow, it just
started out gradually instead of how it normally comes. I'm bummed, but
we'll get to try again in a few weeks, so that's something to look forward
to. And I'll get to use my ovulation predictors, which will be interesting.
Guess I'll check in when there's more news to report, which won't be for
awhile.

****

???

So, now I'm really confused. I had light spotting yesterday and figured it
was the start of my period and that when I woke up this morning, it would be
obvious, but today is still just light spotting. I took another pregnancy
test yesterday and it was negative, so I keep thinking that this must be my
period, but it's two days early (even though I haven't been off of birth
control for long enough to really know for sure my cycle length, but 26 days
seems a bit short). And there's no real flow. Just spotting. I have heard
that it can take up to a week after a missed period for a pregnancy test to
return a positive result. Hmmm. I guess if I don't have a normal flow by
tomorrow morning, I'll test properly with one of my "good" tests with a
first morning urine. When I tested last night, it was with one of my cheap
tests (that I don't really know what the sensitivity is on it) and it was
late in the day, so maybe the HCG just hadn't had enough time to build up in
my bladder to a concentration that is sufficient. Still, I figured that
there would at least be a faint line on the test. Perhaps I'm just being
paranoid and my cycles haven't quite regulated after coming off of birth
control and that's all this is. The only thing that really tips me off that
it could really, truly be implantation bleeding is that when I first noticed
it, it was very faint and light pink, signifying "new" blood. Now, a day
later, it's a bit more apparent and has turn brownish. Makes me really
wonder. Wouldn't it be fantastic to have gotten pregnant after our first
month of trying?! I wish I could know right now, but I guess there's
nothing really to do but wait and see if this spotting turns into a real
flow and wait to try testing again.

****

Light spotting

Implantation bleeding or a two-day jump start on my next period?  Hard to tell at this point.  I assumed that implantation bleeding, if it were to occur at all would have been like a week ago.  Also, I'm kinda bloaty and mayhaps a bit crampy, so that all leads me to believe it's my period come on day 26 instead of 28.  Interesting.  Actually, I'm excited that it's come early because that'll be two days I don't have to wait to know for sure!

But if my cycle is going to be somewhat shorter than 28 days, then that means I may have missed my day of ovulation by a bit.  I'm definitely going to use the ovulation predictor kit next month.  That should cut down on some of the guess work going on.

Backsliding

I have drank so much coffee today! I was up till 4am (which isn't really
that extreme since I work an odd shift and my usual bedtime is somewhere
around 1am) finishing a quilt for my bestie's baby shower this Sunday. It's
done except for some sewing on of buttons by hand, and it's good to have
that off of my mind. But of course I'm really sleepy today! I went to grab
a cup of coffee today and the coffee machine is giving out free French
Vanilla, so I haven't been able to resist grabbing another cup every time I
start lagging at my desk. So I've had three cups! I'm very bad.

In other news, I had a great discussion with my poor husband about his
reluctance about the whole baby thing and about not quitting smoking. He's
trying to get over his fears, but hasn't been able to make much headway.

And my boobs are really sore today. This is probably normal and not
pregnancy-related. I guess it's possible that the early test I took gave a
false negative since they're only something like 65% accurate in the time
range that I took it in, but I don't really want to waste another test
making doubly sure. I'll just wait until Saturday and see if my period
materializes. Gosh, wouldn't I be surprised if it doesn't! I drank a glass
or two of wine with my girlfriends at a local winery on Saturday and have
drowned myself in caffeine today! And I really intend on being good and
following all of the pregnancy "rules" from the very beginning.

****

Not this time around

Well, I took an early test because I couldn't stand to wait, and it was of course negative.  I'm not really surprised.  I am also not surprised that my husband is being a big jerk and keeps accusing me of being 'baby crazy'.  I asked him to use the laptop cooling pad tonight to keep his sperm count down and he started acting like a giant ass about it.  He says that IF we have a problem, then we'll address it.  I think he's being really insensitive by not even humoring me.  And it's not like I'm making him change his entire lifestyle or do something crazy and superstitious like pat his head and turn around three times.  I'm just asking him to take a basic precaution to give us the best chances possible of conceiving, and what I'm asking him to do is based on medical fact.  Sigh.

Hmmmm

Normal pre-menstral breast tenderness or something a little more promising?  They don't hurt, but I've been paying really close attention, so maybe I'm just interpreting something that happens every month as a symptom of pregnancy out of sheer wishful thinking.  I'll keep an eye out for darkening of the areolas.  In any event, I won't be able to reliably test for a few days yet, so I should just chill.  And maybe I won't test at all.  Maybe I'll just wait for a missed period.  I'll probably test though.  I'm not 100% sure what my cycle length is going to end up being.

Try, Try, Try

The boss brought in a variety of 2-liters of soda for us and put them on an
empty table right behind my desk. Grr... Every time someone comes in and
pours themselves a cup, I hear the fizzing and smell that great Big Red
smell and I want some soooo bad. Then the neighboring department's boss
came over to tell me that he'd just made a fresh pot of coffee. ARGH! I
want some caffeine so bad, and the whole office seems to be conspiring
against me!

But I've been really good. I have some green tea at my desk and I think it
has about 20mg of caffeine per cup, as opposed to 80mg for a cup of coffee,
so I don't feel too bad about having a cup of that. So far I've only
indulged in one. Now I'll have to see if I can cut down my sugar intake.
I've been stopping in at McDonald's for a morning smoothy, and I'm sure that
doesn't help, but at least it's not a morning coffee :)

Last night I went to the local pub to talk politics with some friends. I
used to frequent that pub on a weekly basis back when I was a smoker, but I
stopped going there when I quit because it was such a strong environmental
trigger. It's now a non-smoking facility, but they still have the same
large selection of beer. I'm happy to report that despite the presence of a
communal pitcher on the table, I didn't drink any alcohol or caffeine. I
had a big salad and some ice water. Good for me. My husband was enjoying
his beers, though, and when someone asked why I wasn't drinking, he
volunteered a little too much information about our baby-making plans than
was really anyone's business which earned him a short but sharp reprimand
from me. While a certain number of close friends and our families are clued
in to our endeavor, we don't need to announce our family planning methods to
a crowded bar! Duh! I blame the fact that he was drinking, but the truth
is, he's often thoughtless in matters like these. I have to remind him to
think before he speaks on a regular basis.

I also had to get on my sister, too, because she posted publicly on my
Facebook page asking how the baby plans were going. I had to log in from
work and delete the post real fast before it showed up in everyone's news
feed. Then I texted her that she should be a little more discreet and
message me if she wants to know.

Sigh.

I guess that's what I get for sharing our plans.

I don't have terribly high hopes for our chances this month. We were busy
all weekend tearing out a wall in our bedroom to expand our closet, so
everything was messy and we were pretty worn out and we didn't get a chance
to engage in intimacy on the day that I had calculated that I would ovulate.
I won't know for about a week yet if we've been successful in our first
month of trying, but like I said, I kinda doubt it. I have some ovulation
predictor testers that I should have used this month, but we were so busy I
didn't get a chance to mess with them. Also, I need to buy some more of
them because I only have two and I definitely need at least five to be able
to use them effectively. I can't wait until next week when I can reasonably
expect a test to be accurate. But until then, I've been giving my breasts a
little squeeze in the mornings to gauge their sensitivity since I've heard
that breast tenderness is a good early indicator of pregnancy.

****

No coffee

I rewarded myself with a can of Big Red today at lunch for not having any
caffeine all week. Yay for me! Wish I could lose some weight, though. And
I definitely need to be exercising more.

According to my calculations, I will ovulate tomorrow. We're not doing
anything too special to try to conceive. And I'm going to try really hard
to not be all crazy and take a pregnancy test every morning. I'm going to
just pray about it and kind of try to ignore the possibilities and stay
busy. Then we'll see how it shakes out.

****

No coffee

Must. Not. Drink. Coffeeeeeee!

I'm dragging this morning and I really want to go make a nice cup of coffee,
but I'm trying to resist. I was terrible this weekend. We spent the long
weekend in the Smokies with the in-laws and they are some coffee drinking
fools and I was waking up earlier than I normally do, so I guzzled a few
cups a day, which is a lot for me. In any event, I'm determined not to give
in today.

****

I miss birth control

I miss birth control.  I miss the predictability and the lessening in menstrual flow and I keep forgetting to take my prenatal vitamin at night because I don't have to remind myself to take my pill.  It has been a miserable week.  First of all, I wasn't sure when or if my period was going to start, and that just drives me to distraction.  And once it started it was heavy and looooong.  But I got by just fine without the pill for 27 years, so I'm sure I'll live without it for a few months.   I do not, however, miss condoms.

I had a giant coffee today and meant to break open a bottle of wine but wasn't in the mood.  I was being too productive around the house to sit and sip wine.  Today is looking to be the last day of my period, and I've decided to bid farewell to caffeine and alcohol altogether while we're trying to conceive.  Of course, I may have the occasional one cup of coffee, but definitely no alcohol.  And of course, I'm going to try to eat well and take the dog on a walk every day to get a bit of exercise.

Also, I found some of the super early pregnancy tests on sale and just had to buy them.  They're advertised to work up to 6 days before a missed period.  I thought two or three days would be the limit.  I'm really going to try not to be neurotic about testing, though.   My plan is to just assume that I'm pregnant until my body lets me know otherwise by menstruating.

My husband keeps suggesting that maybe I'm too excited about being pregnant and not thinking that we'll have a child for the next 18+ years to care for, kinda like that syndrome of planning for a wedding and not a marriage, but he's definitely wrong.  We were talking just the other day about the possibility of home schooling and our options for college savings.  I'm definitely thinking things through, even into the very long term.

Oh yes, and I'm furious with my husband for his smoking habit.  When we got married, we agreed to stop smoking.  I was a light smoker, going through perhaps two packs in a week at most, but when I went on birth control, I quit, partly because I knew I wanted to eventually start a family and I'd have to quit for pregnancy anyway, and party because of the known risks of mixing the pill with a smoking habit.  My husband quit, too, for a few months and then started back up again.  He's promised to quit again.  I've specifically requested that he quit BEFORE I get pregnant.  He was such an enormous asshole when he was trying to quit the last time that I don't think we'd get along very well if he were having bad cravings and I was all hormonal.  The last time around, I was stressed out with wedding planning and a new job, and he was being a big jerk about every little thing and it got really tense for awhile.  I just don't want that kind of atmosphere while I'm trying to grow a person.  I keep asking him when he's going to quit, and he keeps saying "I don't know".  Well, he's about out of time, so I'm really hoping he gets his mind made up soon.  And I can only imagine what harm smoking causes to sperm.  I think I may have to research that a bit.

Three cheers for menstration!

Well, I drank two cups of parsley tea last night and started feeling a little crampy.  I kept checking, but no period.   As I was working on my first cup this morning, there it was.  Yay!

Parsley Tea

Hmmmm...I think I may try drinking some parsley tea. Apparently that helps
to bring on a late period. It's an emmenagogue (an herb which stimulates
menstruation) and definitely worth a try. Of course, if I haven't ovulated
yet and am stuck in amenorrhea where your pituitary gland isn't producing
the hormones to spur ovulation, then I'll go in to see my midwife to see if
she can prescribe something to give it a kick start. I'm really not
interested in waiting for several more months to start trying to get
pregnant. I want to get this show on the road.

****

Waiting some more

So, I was due to have my period on Wednesday and was all excited to ditch
the condoms as soon as possible, but alas my period is three days late and
no signs of showing up anytime soon. The book "What to Expect Before You're
Expecting" advises going off of the pill and using a barrier method for
three months before you actually want to start trying to conceive so that
your cycles have time to normalize, but my midwife said one month. After
reading some chat boards, I should have listened to the book. There are
reports of women not getting their period for months after going off of the
pill. Now, I'm assuming that these are women who have been on the pill
long-term, and I've only been on it for about two years, so I thought I'd
have more luck. I guess not. I'm trying not to get too stressed about it,
but I really hope it comes soon. I'm all stocked up on pregnancy tests and
ready to go. I guess to be double sure, I really should take a pregnancy
test, but there's really no way that is even possible and I have no other
symptoms AND I drank a few glasses of wine just the other night as kind of a
"farewell" to alcohol. I've been enjoying my coffee breaks at work, too,
knowing that after my period ends (if it ever comes, grr) I'll be bidding
farewell to that afternoon ritual as well. And I keep saying I will start
taking walks in the mornings before work to get some exercise and stay
limber, but I haven't started doing it yet.

I joked about an Angry Birds themed nursery with my husband last night, and
he wasn't amused. He has been thinking about a coral reef room. We'll see
what we come up with.

****

The Pill

I've been meaning to post the very exciting news that I took my last birth control pill two Sundays ago, but haven't gotten around to it since my husband and I have undertaken to remodel our master bathroom and my spare time has been spent laying tile and painting and taking endless trips to the hardware store.  I did a little happy dance when I popped that last pill out of the pack.

I didn't start taking the pill until I was 28 and I was annoyed at the monthly expense, not having been accustomed to having to fill a prescription every month.  I'm glad now to hear that the copay for contraceptives will soon be a thing of the past, so that will be something to be thankful for when I go back on it sometime in the future.  I found the experience of being on the pill to be interesting.  The utter predictability of cycles was reassuring.  I hadn't paid too much attention to my cycles before going on the pill, but I seem to recall them being sometimes a bit long and sometimes a bit short, though I didn't track them well enough to say for sure.  It'll be intriguing to see how they normalize without the influence of synthetic hormones.  I do remember that I was always sure when I was ovulating before I went on the pill due to the changes in discharge my body produces, so if that resumes now that I'm off of it, that should be a help in our quest to conceive.  I may miss the shortened menstrations that the pill provides, but so it is.

For just this short month, we're using a barrier method on the advice of my midwife who says that if I conceive without first having a natural cycle, it would be more difficult to judge the due date.  My husband has been fanatical about condom usage in the past weeks.  Even the day after my period ended, he encouraged me to hunt one down even though I assured him I wasn't fertile at that point in my cycle.  I tried to get him to "read up" on things about fertility he ought to already know, but I haven't followed up with him to see if he actually has or not.  Perhaps if I posted the pertinent information to a thread on Reddit...LOL!  

If my cycle remains the same as it has been, my upcoming girls' weekend in Las Vegas will be somewhat diminished as it falls precisely within the range of days in which I could be pregnant and have no way of knowing for sure, so I guess I'll have to be a teetotaler that weekend in which I'm sure there will be much indulgence on the part of my peers.

I've been enjoying afternoon coffee breaks at work lately, knowing full well that I should be cutting back since next month I intend to severely limit my caffeine intake on the off chance that we hit the jackpot during our first month of trying.  My boss is well acquainted with my afternoon coffee habit and will stop by my desk to announce when she's put a pot on to brew so she and I have first crack at it.  I'll have to come up with some excuse as to why I don't rush to grab my mug.

I have high hopes that we don't have long to wait before we're assured of our success in our endeavor.  It's been a long wait already, and lack of patience is a character flaw of mine.  For all that I worry about the few plans we've made for the fall, winter and spring - that being stuck on a 10-hour flight to Hawaii in my first trimester is a recipe for misery, that having to swear off alcohol during a weekend-long birthday celebration in Vegas with friends who will likely spend three days on end stumbling drunkenly through the casino and sleeping in with massive hangovers, and that my newly retired in-laws will be several states away on an RV vacation when I might have some big news to share with them - I still hope that we conceive quickly.

All smiles

I've been indulging in coffee and tea and sodas and even alcohol more than
usual lately because I know I'll have to go without in the near future.
It's getting very exciting. My husband and I regularly talk about "our
kids" and how we'll divide the chores once I'm pregnant and may not be up
for the level of housework that we've been undertaking lately (we're talking
laying tile and knocking out walls to expand a closet, here). I've really
been enjoying the preparations.

Am I crazy for having a registry already? It does seem to be putting the
cart well before the horse, but I'm a planner. The more I prep for
something, the less anxiety I have about it, so when I feel myself getting
anxious or impatient, I log on the registry and read reviews and try to find
the best deals for essentials.

It's a good time. It's good to have such high expectations and to feel so
optimistic.

****

Getting closer

I'm getting ready to stop off at the pharmacy to pick up my last pack of
birth control pills for awhile! We're not going to be actively trying until
September, but I'm going off the pills in August to give my cycles a chance
to normalize. I'm very excited.

****

I am disgusted by insurance companies

So, I got a bill from my midwife's practice that stated my insurance
declined to pay for the visit. I called the billing office to check and see
if there was any additional information, and they said that since no
services were rendered that the insurance didn't consider it to be a
medically necessary visit and that I didn't have coverage for "reproductive
counseling". Ugh. I hate insurance companies. Excuse me for wanting to
meet with someone and review the practice philosophy of an establishment
that I am going to entrust the care of my unborn child to. But whatever.
I'm lucky enough to be in a position to be able to pay for some premium
healthcare services, and so I will.

****

Baby Rooms

So, I acknowledge that I'm waaaay ahead of myself on this, but I've been thinking about a bumble bee themed nursery for several reasons.  One is that it is gender neutral.  Another is that the small second bedroom in our house is already painted bright yellow which is as good a color as any for a nursery.  In any event, I want to block print the sheet sets and curtains like so: http://www.readymade.com/blog/craft/2011/06/14/make_this_easy_fabric_printing

In other news, my bestie is having a girl!!  Guess I'd better get cracking on that quilt I promised her!

Of course, any amount of sewing requires that I have my sewing machine set up, and most of my craft things are still in boxes from the move last year.  But I've started getting my things in order and moved most of the boxes out of the spare bedroom (soon to be the nursery, if all goes well) and into the library and shared office space.  There are two 6' x 3' closets in the library.  My husband has one for his tech stuff and I have one for my craft and sewing junk.  Now all I have to do go through it all to organize it and somehow fit it all in the space!  Hopefully, though, I'll have it all squared away by next Saturday when we're hosting our friends and family for a luau / belated house warming party so everyone can see the hard work we've put in on our house.  It's going to take a lot of energy to get the projects we have ongoing finished, get organized and clean the house between now and then.

And speaking of luaus, I found an unbeatable deal on airfare to Honolulu so my husband and I booked a trip to Hawaii in January.  He lived in Hawaii for 10 years after being discharged from the Navy, so he's been dying to go back for a visit to show me all of his old haunts.  My only hope is that we get pregnant right away when we start trying in September, so that I'm hopefully out of the barfy first trimester during our 8 hour flight!

Blabbermouth

I got my first baby gifts last week!  I'm so stinking excited about our plans to start planning a family that I can't keep my mouth shut about it, and just about everyone I know is clued in to the fact that we're going to start trying in September, some because I needed a little cheerleading and support and some because I recruited them to talk to my husband about the issues he was having "wrapping his head around" potentially becoming a poppa.  He really needed to talk some things through and didn't want me to be part of the conversation since I'm so clearly biased towards baby, so I asked a few of my friends who are already parents to chat him up on the subject.  Anyway, so everyone knows, which could potentially be a hassle when we get close to September.  I'm sure there will be a lot of questions coming my way from the casual "how are things going?" to the more pointed (and intrusive) grillings I should probably expect from my sister.  But, keeping secrets stresses me out, so I blabbed.  I might come to regret it, but I'm feeling really good about being so open right at the moment.

Anyway, we had some friends who are moving over for dinner the other night, and she brought over some awesome retro wooden puzzles that I just love to pieces.  She said she'd been hanging on to them for the longest time waiting for a good opportunity to give them a good home.  I'm kind of honored that she picked me!  Plus, I really appreciate the paint colors from that old-school 1960's palette and the illustrations are pretty adorable.  I'm really bummed that this couple is moving away.  I've known them for a long time, casually, and we share many common interests, but I JUST learned that they live, literally, a block away which could have been a great catalyst for developing a much closer relationship (especially since my husband really needs some close guy friends and he gets along great with my friend's husband) but now they'll be gone.  Oh well.  I guess I'll just have to be on the lookout for more opportunities to grow friendships with interesting folk of all stripes.

Risks

One of my husband's big worries about having children is that he/she will inherit his terrible allergies and epilepsy.  The allergies, I have a suspicion, are the result of his mother bleaching the walls of their home when he and his brother were toddlers, limiting their exposure to environmental factors that later in life triggered allergic reactions.  The epilepsy was a bigger worry, so I did a bit of research.

From epilepsy.com:

Q. If I have epilepsy, will my children also have it?

A. Less than 2 people out of every 100 (2%) develop epilepsy at some pointduring their lifetime. The risk for children whose father has epilepsy isonly slightly higher. If the mother has epilepsy and the father does not,the risk is still less than 5%. If both parents have epilepsy, the risk is abit higher. Most children will not inherit epilepsy from a parent, but thechance of inheriting epilepsy is higher for some types. 

If you have epilepsy, it is normal for you to be afraid that your childrenwill have epilepsy too. However, a fear that your children will haveepilepsy is not enough reason to decide against having any. The risk is low,most children outgrow epilepsy, and most people who have it are able tocontrol their seizures by taking one medicine.

Topic Editor: Steven C. Schachter, M.D.

Well, 2% hardly seems like much cause to worry, so that takes a load off my
mind, and hopefully off of his, too.

Progress, I guess

Met with the midwife today.  The practice is friendly and there's no
confusion as to where to go next and no standing around at the checkout
station waiting to be acknowledged.  The nurse who checked me in did a
thorough job with my history and was friendly and not awkward.  At my last
GYN practice, the nurse who checked me in and took my history was a bit
snobby and I want to say incredulous when I answered the history questions.
I kept feeling like she didn't believe me and was trying to catch me in a
lie when she would ask the same question in a different manner later on in
the process.  In any event, I didn't much like it there.  And I just
realized that my friend who's delivered two babies with them was more scared
than she needed to be during labor with her first because she wasn't sure
what was going to happen next.  The midwife I met with (who's from the same
county that I grew up in) assured me that we would talk it through and set
up a plan and backup plans long before entering the delivery room.  She said
she was involved in a labor the night before that took two hours of pushing
and she and the mother avoided cesarean intervention three times over the
course of her delivery, so that gives me a lot of confidence that she'll be
an advocate for me and support my decisions.  I really liked her and talking
with her was very easy and low key.  I explained to her that I'm a
"researcher" and like to be well-informed ahead of time, so she gave me some
printed materials that her practice has developed even though I didn't
really need it yet.  I think I'm going to be very pleased with the practice
and the midwife when the time comes for me to engage their services.

The plan, as it stands now, is to go off of birth control in August and use
alternate contraception methods until after my first "natural" cycle, then
we'll ditch the contraceptives altogether in September and see what happens.
And between now and then, the plan is to finish my various house projects
and try to drop some weight.

Sigh of Relief

Well, the big news is that about a week ago my husband has decided that we should start trying in September!!  He says next summer is the soonest he feels like we'd be ready for a baby since we have a lot of house projects still pending completion.  He's not entirely wrong and that would still put us trying before I hit 30, so I'm pretty pleased with his decision.  I have gotten a new scrip for birth control, but haven't gone back on my statin yet even though I found a pack in the medicine chest I'd forgotten I had.

Talking it out

My husband has decided that he wants to speak with a minister about the
whole having kids thing.  He asked his dad for advice, and his dad told him
to consult a third party.  So he got the phone number off of a sign out
front of the Baptist church very near our house and left a message for the a
young preacher who happens to be a new father, himself.  Hopefully he can
work through some of the internal conflict he's having.  In the meantime,
I've rescheduled with the midwife so that I can get a new scrip for birth
control, but couldn't get in for two weeks and by that time I'll be out of
pills since my last dose is this Sunday.  I guess I'll have to call my
previous prescriber and have him call in a scrip to a local pharmacy.  Sigh.
I have been putting it off.  Maybe I'm holding out a secret hope that my
husband will change his mind.

Left Out

At work, all day long, the ladies I sit near talk about their kids.  It's
just the small little dramas of life...daughter not getting along with
teacher, T-ball practice being rained out, trying to get the kids to try
different types of foods...but it makes me feel so left out.  I used to be
able to chime in my "parenting" stories about my niece, but now that I'm
married and have moved out of the family home, I don't have much say in her
affairs.

My dream of becoming a mommy seems so far away right now.  I wish I could
just put it into the back corner of my mind and not think about it for
awhile while my husband makes up his mind, but it's hard when the first half
an hour of every work day is a recap of what crazy thing the kids did last
night and news of my good friends' pregnancies and new babies trickles in
during the rest of the day in e-mail form, so I just can't seem to get it
off of my mind.  As a result I stay in a state of alternating anger and
sadness all day.

I need to call and reschedule with the midwife and put a call in to my
doctor for a refill of my cholesterol meds, but I have some sort of
avoidance block that keeps me from wanting to do it.  Getting new scrips
somehow feels like a failure, like I'm giving up completely on having a
child instead of just deferring it till a future date.

$$

We just made it back from our trip.  I lost my passport and we had to spend
four extra (and expensive) days in France.  It was a fiasco and I'm only
remembering the negative things about the trip right now, so I won't go into
any of that except to say that it'll take us a bit to get back on track,
financially, and that I missed my appointment with the midwife and will have
to reschedule.  I should do it quickly, too, because I'm on my last two
weeks of birth control and will need to get a new scrip written pronto if we
don't want to have to use alternative means of contraception.

I started a high yield savings account for baby-related expenses today
because I just don't want my husband's indecision to derail my preparedness.
So far, I've just factored the costs of copays for prenatal care and our
portion of the delivery fees not covered by insurance...so nothing fun like
decorating the nursery or anything like that.  We'll have to discuss whether
or not to begin contributing to it or not, but I'd like to pitch $50 or so
into it every couple of weeks just to help myself feel like I'm getting
closer to my goal.

Also, I'm almost out of prenatal vitamins and need to stop and buy some more
but am just so discouraged about the whole thing that I'm feeling like it
doesn't matter if I take them or not at this point.

We met some random guy from Puerto Rico on a plane on our way home and he
was chatting up my husband and he asked, out of the blue, if we had any
children.  My husband answered "not yet" and the guy shot back with an
exuberant "what are you waiting for?"  I just silently pointed the finger at
my husband and continued reading.  I, for one, have no idea what we're
waiting for.  Now seems like a fine time to start trying.  But
unfortunately, the decision doesn't lie solely with me.

Waiting is stupid

I never thought I'd spend the night before our romantic anniversary trip to Paris crying!

We had another baby discussion in the car in the Walmart parking lot today, and I just bawled.  I think waiting is stupid.  I'm 29 and have zero interest in getting pregnant in my 30's.  I have set August 31st as the deadline.  If he's still not sure by then, then I told him never to mention it to me again.  I'm ready now.  Now is as good a time as any. It would have been awesome to meet and fall in love in my early 20's and have five years to enjoy our marriage before starting a family, but that didn't happen for us and now I'm facing down my 30th birthday and am absolutely petrified at the possibility of there being any complications when we do start trying.  He said something about 2 years.  I told him August 31st or bust.  No on likes an ultimatum, but my body is breaking down as it is.  The thought of putting it through the rigors of pregnancy and childbirth on the doorstep of 35 is terrifying.  And my poor little heart is just broken.  I was so excited, and now I'm almost without hope.  My whole vision of the future is just a blank slate now...the nursery done up in bumblebees, the quilting projects I've been wanting to start on, talking pregnancy with my best friend who's finishing up her first trimester...

I'm going to try not to think about it for the next 9 days.

I suppose I will keep my appointment with the midwife on the 19th, though.  I need someone to write me a new scrip for birth control anyway.  And he says he wants to come along and ask questions.  I'll probably cry a lot during the visit.  I'm so embarrassed to have even scheduled a preconception appointment only to have to walk in and say, "actually, we weren't on the same page about the timeline and now we're not so sure we even want to have a baby, sorry for wasting your time".  Maybe she can write me a scrip for anti-depressants as well.

Sad times

Sigh...well, my husband and I had a baby talk tonight and as I had been suspecting, he had a major freakout.  He, evidently, thought that after our one year anniversary we would state to TALK about having a baby.  I, on the other hand, was planning on starting to try.  I'm not sure how he missed that since I had been taking the prenatal vitamins and stopped taking my statin and changed my eating habits and we HAVE talked about it...months ago.  Every time I brought it up recently, he changed the subject.  I assumed we were on the same page, but now I see that I should have been paying closer attention.  And maybe we were on the same page and he has just changed his mind and is claiming to have been left out of the loop.  


He says he'll make up his mind "by the fall" so I'm going to go back on my statins and stay on birth control.  I don't know if I even want to keep my appointment with the midwife because it just seems a little sad now.  

It's hard to believe that our anniversary trip to France is just days away!
I've been looking forward to this for a year...it must be something like the
anticipation I'll feel when we're expecting a baby.

With all of the travel preparations - putting a hold on our mail, mowing the
lawn so it doesn't end up being a jungle by the time we get back, making
arrangements for the dog and cats to be cared for, packing and re-packing -
I haven't thought much about our baby-making plans...that is, I hadn't until
my best friend told me yesterday that she's 9 weeks along!  Now all thoughts
of currency conversion and trying to dredge up the few French phrases I
learned in high school have all been supplanted by baby thoughts!

I'm equally relieved and worried at the news.

(since I just accidentally deleted the post I was writing, I'll add more on
this later :)

It's really hard to believe that in under two weeks, I'll be off of birth
control!  We have a preconception appointment with a local midwife just days
after we return to make sure we're all on the same page before we take the
leap.  

I've been eating as if I were already pregnant - not doubling my portions,
but making sure I eat a handful of trail mix as a snack instead of a candy
bar, stocking up on dried, fresh, and frozen fruit, and making sure I
incorporate extra helpings of spinach in my recipes.  We don't eat badly
anyway and have been taking extra steps to reduce my cholesterol intake
since mine is high and I won't be able to be on statins while we're trying
to get pregnant and until after I stop breast-feeding.  So I've switched to
almond milk and we only buy the Omega-3 enhanced eggs and things like that.
I even bought a big  package of garden burgers so we can grill those instead
of eating fatty red meat.

When we get back from our trip, we'll start the hard work of saving up for
the baby and we have some home improvement projects we need to finish up
which will make saving that much harder.

Insurance and Midwifery

I just changed my health insurance coverage to my husband's policy since his company was bought out and the new owners don't require any employee out-of-pocket contributions for health insurance coverage!  It's a plan that requires high copays, but it's nice not to have anything deducted from his paycheck.  I tried to research what the expected out-of-pocket costs would be under my Humana PPO plan, to no avail.  That data just wasn't available from Humana or from my local hospitals directly.  With my new Blue Cross PPO plan, there is a handy cost estimator on their web site that allows you to compare average costs at different providers and weigh those against some quality of care metrics.  Exactly the information I wanted!  Now I know that the usual cost for a standard vaginal delivery (including the costs of drugs, there is no data available for the cost of a natural birth in a hospital) is between $5,000 and $6,000 and that the hospital that my current  OB/GYN provider is affiliated with is about $1,000 more expensive than the costs at the hospital that is only 4 miles from my house.  Both of these regional hospitals have newly-remodeled women's centers featuring luxury birthing suites and a full suite of preparatory classes.  I'm leaning towards the cheaper, closer hospital because they have several suites with large tubs and have TWO midwives.  There are only a grand total of three licensed midwives in the area.  And I'm a little concerned about the general philosophy of my current GYN provider.  They are affiliated with the second hospital on my list, but I would describe them as being a "high-volume" practice and get the impression that they don't give very personalized service and have a heavy reliance on technology and medical intervention.  I have a good friend who has had two babies with that practice and hospital and she claims she had very positive experiences with both, but she wasn't interested in natural delivery so I'm at least partially discounting her testimony.  

I've been checking out some media like the book "Pushed" and the documentary "The Business of Being Born" and am appalled at the statistics of induction, C-Section, unwanted episiotomies and administration of drugs.  My sister had unwanted drugs administered to her 14 years ago at what was considered then to be the leading birthing center in our area, and I'm determined that I won't allow that to happen to me.  But I also want to have my baby-to-be in a hospital setting because my mother had a very traumatic home delivery with me, causing both of us to nearly die.  There were complications that the midwife wasn't qualified to deal with. 

Having a midwife AT the hospital seems like the best of both worlds to me, but I'm going to meet with one of them and see if that changes my opinions.  

Oh yes, and my insurance lists the two midwives affiliated with my county hospital as in-network providers, so that's good news!