Happy New Year

Feeling icky in my stomach in the late evenings.  Nothing real bad, just a mild malaise.  Tonight was New Year's Eve.  I was invited out on the town to get my drunk on, but begged off.  Instead, we went to visit the in-law's, talked about making baby blankets on the knitting machine, and mooched dinner.  Going out with my crazy friends (who are out-of-state teachers who have a ton of vacation time around the holidays and come home to stay with their parents for a week or so and thus have no normal day-to-day responsibilities like jobs and laundry and such and therefore take the opportunity to relive our early 20's doing the bar scene) would know immediately if I didn't have a drink in my hand to toast the New Year.  My husband went to bed early.  I stayed up and watched a new favorite show and listened to the neighbors shoot their guns up into the air and the barges out on the river blow their fog horns, which is one of the cool perks of living close to the river.  Not so cool when it's a summer evening and the speed boat traffic is a constant mosquito buzz in the background, but I like hearing the fog horns nonetheless.

I have a Girls' Night planned for next Friday night.  The only two of my pals that will be there know that we've been trying for a few months and will probably ask immediately.  I haven't decided if I'm going to tell them or not, but one is a new mom and will know immediately if I shy away from partaking in the customary bottle of wine and nibble soda crackers all night.  I'll probably tell them.  I've been dying to tell someone besides family, anyway.  And they know the risks inherent in the first trimester, so I'm sure they'll be super supportive.  And if I do (God forbid!) have a miscarriage, these girls would be the first people I'd turn to, so it'd be nice to be able to share my excitement and worries with them.

Checking in

Guess what's back? That's right, breast tenderness. Cramping is less
today, which is nice. No nausea yet, thankfully.

****

Shopping

I got a food dehydrator for Christmas and have been diligently stockpiling dried fruit to snack on at work. I've stocked my desk with crackers and peppermint candies to ward off nausea if it shows up and am searching the stores for cranberry ginger ale, which has disappeared from the aisles too soon! Cherry Antioxidant Sprite is a poor substitute. And I mean, really, they're marketing sodas with vitamins in them now? That's idiotic.

I bought some decaf singles in case I want to try to get a placebo buzz while my husband sucks down his coffee. I may have a cup of hot tea on occassion if I'm really dragging. It has less caffeine than a cup of coffee (depending on the variety) and has other beneficial ingredients, so I don't feel too bad about indulging in it. I guess the trick is really going to be getting to bed earlier.  I don't drink sodas, so that's not a problem.  But sweat tea and coffee are off limits for the next few months.

Still cramping. Worse than usual menstrual cramps. But there's no more sharp pain in my left side. Must have been an implantation pain. Otherwise no other symptoms. No more breast tenderness. A bit of fatigue and I have been making more trips to the bathroom, but I'm also being more conscientious about keeping well hydrated and I've felt more thirsty than usual. No nausea to speak of yet. So exciting!

I have a photographer friend and want to do monthly pics of my belly growing. I'm four weeks today! I guess I should take a one month shot. I want to go on a search for a nice black stretch knit trumpet skirt and a black strapless bra of some sort. I have an awesome grey maxi skirt from Old Navy that would be perfect, really, and perhaps I could make the top. I want something like this:

Four weeks!

My midwife sent me a congratulations e-mail today and said that if I had any
concerns and wanted to come in before February 15th that I shouldn't
hesitate to do so. I'm trying to ignore my silly fears and just go with the
flow. The chances that anything would go wrong are very small, I keep
telling myself. I'm still monitoring the sharp pain on my left side. It's
much less pronounced now than it was on Monday and feels more like a gas
pain than stabbing pain now. I'm thinking it was just an implantation
ouchie or perhaps a small cyst. In any case, the receptionist at my
midwife's office said that unless I noticed any spotting or the pain became
very bad, that I shouldn't be too worried.

Thinking back, I think the very first symptom that I had, even before the
sore boobs showed up, is that my face broke out really badly which is highly
unusual for me.

Both my mother and mother-in-law called last night to check on me. I was
like, chill grandmas. My husband and I are both the youngest sibling in our
families and both his older brother and my older sister have kids in their
teens, so the whole being a grandparent thing isn't a novel idea to anyone.

I don't even really feel pregnant yet with the exception of the case of the
cramps I've had. I think I will definitely stockpile some cranberry ginger
ale, though, since you can only purchase it around the holidays and I might
be in desperate want of it if I get bad morning sickness in a few weeks.

I had to admonish my mom for spilling the beans to someone she ran into at
the grocery store. It was someone I went to high school with that was a
close friend until she left the area after college. She was home visiting
family for the holidays, so it's doubtful she's going to be in contact with
anyone else that shouldn't be told yet. Of course, the sheer number of
cocktail parties scheduled around this time of year may give me away to my
friends.

****

First appointment scheduled

As today was the first day of my missed period, I called the midwife and they've scheduled me in for February 15th.  That seems like a LONG time to wait and wonder, but the receptionist said that since I'm sure I'm pregnant there isn't any reason to see me before there's the possibility of hearing the heartbeat.

In the meantime, I've been having a lot of abdominal twinges and the sharp pain on the left side has gone away.  And I know cramping is normal at this stage, but I had such an awful cramp earlier that I could barely breath.  Still no breast tenderness.  And so far no nausea.  I stocked up my desk with crackers and apple sauce and ginger ale.  I am drying some apples and strawberries in the dehydrator...and let me tell you that the strawberry smell is permeating the entire house, though my husband fails to notice ;)

I should probably pick up some peppermints, too.

Spreading the news

We went ahead and told the family on Christmas Day since we were all gathered and in a festive mood already.  We drove up to visit my dad today and told him.  Everyone is really excited, but since I'm only about 4 weeks, I am really, really hoping nothing goes wrong.  I don't want to disappoint everyone.

My breast tenderness is nearly completely gone.  They're a little mushier than usual, but don't really hurt.  The only concern I have is a persistent pain on the left side of my abdomen.  It's sometimes a dull ache (like cramps) and sometimes a series of sharp pains, though they're not real intense.  I've had pains there before and am thinking it's probably an undiagnosed cyst.  Of course I'm worried about an ectopic pregnancy, though I doubt it would be causing pain this early.  I'll keep an eye out for spotting and will call my midwife tomorrow to set up an appointment.  I e-mailed her today, but since the abdominal pain I'm having is on one side only and pretty sharp and has persisted for two days, I'm going to follow up with a call tomorrow and see if they'll see me asap just in case the pain isn't a cyst.  I do not want to risk losing a fallopian tube.

I also have abdominal twinges on both sides that I suspect are normal and caused by uterus enlargement.

My friends are having a big, drunken house party tonight and I declined to go because not drinking at the annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party would be tantamount to screaming "I'm pregnant" from the rooftop and I'm not ready to tell non-family members yet.  I want to wait until after we hear the heartbeat before spreading the news too much.

milestones to look forward to

Some milestones I've collected based on my best math as to when I actually ovulated:

Date of Fertilization: 12/14/11
Fetal organ formation begins: 1/4/2012
Fetal heart beat should be seen: 1/17/12
Period of greatest risk for birth defects: 1/4/2012 - 2/8/2012
Major organs are fully formed: 2/8/2012
Ultrasound Screen: 2/16/12 - 3/07/12
Trimester 1 ends: 2/23/2012
Triple Screen: 3/13/12 - 4/04/12
Amniocentesis: 3/27/12 - 4/04/12
Fetus starts moving: 4/03/12 - 4/18/12
Anatomy Scan: 4/10/12 - 4/17/12
Fetus becomes viable: 5/15/12
Glucose Screen: 5/15/12 - 6/13/12
Trimester 2 ends (27 weeks): 6/7/2012
Term delivery: 8/14/12 - 9/19/12
Approximate due date: 9/05/2012

Definitely positive!!!

I peed on another stick today and it had a slightly darker positive line!!!

Guess it's time to call my midwife.

My husband and I haven't decided if we're going to tell the family tomorrow at Christmas dinner or not.

My breasts are felling less sore and more full and swollen.  Also having some abdominal twinges.

Special stocking stuffer

Okay, so my husband said that at midnight we could open our stockings.  I slipped the pregnancy test I took earlier this evening into his along with this other goodies.  When he pulled it out of the stocking, he was like "not pregnant?"  I said, well, the manufacturer says that any second pink line is a positive...but I'll pee on another stick for you tomorrow.  He said he didn't know how to feel about it, but he went to bed and tossed and turned for awhile.  He's worried, but then so am I which I suppose is perfectly natural.

Pink Line???

Sooo....I had two cocktails at my birthday party and didn't drink at my husband's party the night after.  (That's right, our birthdays are one after the other.)  And I've had a few cups of coffee this week.  All of this is important because I've been feeling a little off this week. My breasts are still sore and I had some very slight almost cramp-like twinges in my abdomen today.  And for two night my stomach has been upset in the late evenings.

So, taking all of this into consideration, I tested tonight.  I have the very faintest of pink positive lines!!!  I don't think I'll tell my husband yet.  I think I'll test again in the morning and if I get another positive, THEN I'll tell him.  Sheesh!  I'm glad I didn't pre-pay for my SCUBA lessons.

Also, it's a VERY faint pink line, so it's possible that it's not a true positive.  You be the judge:

Testing...one...two

Tested this morning with negative results.  I've done so many with no extra little pink line, I wonder what I'd do if the second pink line started to fill in.  I'd probably think it was a false positive.

I don't think today's test was absolutely definitive, so I'll test again in a few days (would be nice to be able to tell the family when everyone is gathered for holiday festivities) or perhaps wait to see if I miss my period.

I read an account online of a woman who had unusually tender breasts and thought she was pregnant, but it turned out that she wasn't.  I'm hoping I'm not this time since our vacation is so close and we'd have to worry about scheduling with the midwife in the few short days after the holidays that we have before we leave for Hawaii.

Birthday present?

Well, my breasts have been sore all week. I'm hoping that's a good sign, and
I picked up some more early tests last night. My 30th birthday is tomorrow
and I intend to take a test tomorrow morning because I wanted to have some
cocktails tomorrow night. I probably shouldn't have any cocktails at all
because it'll likely be too early to take a test reliably. How cool would
it be if I tested positive on my birthday?!

But then again, it would put a large kink in our pending vacation plans.
And we wouldn't have the opportunity to try to conceive in Hawaii, which
would also be cool.

In any event, I'll check back in a few days and report.

****

Symptoms Unknown

This is, like, day 3 of moderate breast tenderness. It's more severe than
the usual PMS tenderness, but still only noticeable when I prod them. It's
not a general tenderness, either, but seems to be localized around the
nipples. Hmmm.

Also, I had some fatigue yesternight that was unusual.

It's only four days (or possibly six) since I ovulated, so I'm skeptical
that any of these things could be connected to early pregnancy. Surely if
an egg was fertilized, it wouldn't be implanted yet. I'm sure that happens
somewhere around day 10 and only then does your body produce enough HCG to
be detectable or affect physiology.

In any event, I'm on the documentation bandwagon. I estimated my ovulation
to be four days ago based on the length of my most recent cycles. However,
I had a significant change in cervical mucous seven days ago, so I may have
ovulated the day after that, which is why I'm not sure if I really ovulated
six or four days ago. In any event, we didn't have sex very often last week
due to my husband's sinus infection, so it'd be slightly miraculous if we
got lucky.

Also, my husband is going to be so sad if I can't go SCUBA diving in Hawaii!

****

I must be nuts!

I'm not feeling too optimistic about our chances this month. My husband has
been suffering with a bad sinus infection, so we were only intimate twice
during my fertile period. We should have used a barrier method of birth
control anyway, since I'm scheduled to be SCUBA certified in a few weeks,
and diving while pregnant isn't recommended because there isn't any data on
how the activity affects a fetus.

I went in for my yearly checkup today and my GP is totally cool. He's grown
a hipster beard and said it was good to see me because I wasn't sick. He's
a keeper!

My mom is a bit of a hippy. For a housewarming gift, she bought me a
Polynesian fertility god carved out of some beautiful dark palm wood. I
actually do keep it in the bedroom, but it's more of a dresser decoration
than anything. When I was younger, cleaning beneath my bed, I found a
crystal. I asked her if she'd lost one and she told me to put it back
because sleeping near a quartz helped align your energies or some such
nonsense. I guess I've inherited a bit of her mysticism because I actually
googled what gemstones to wear to increase fertility and subsequently bought
a set of stacking rings with carnelian, rose quartz and moonstone settings.

We're gearing up for our Hawaii vacation. A few months ago, I was sure we'd
be pregnant by now. But part of me is glad that we're not because it's
going to be a looooooong plane ride and who wants to be all barfy in their
first trimester and have to be stuck on a plane for 10 hours.

****